Can you help me choose the best college?

I've been looking around at different schools. The Sam Houston Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T.) looks good. Then again, what about the Frances Uberman College of Kinesiology (F.U.C.K.)? Is this school any good? Then again, I've considered a more eclectic school like Arkansas Science School of Horticulture, Ornithology, Logistics & Engineering (A.S.S.H.O.L.E.), or the Boise Idaho Technical College of Hydraulics (B.I. T.C.H.). Any opinion in regards to Dawson Island College of Kidney Studies (D.I.C.K.S.) for nephrology majors? I could study to be an actor at the Tennessee Institite of Theatrical Study (T.I.T.S.). Can you think of any other good colleges or universities? Also, does the Phlebotomy and Urology School of South York (P.U.S.S.Y.) require an undergraduate degree prior to admission?